Am I just petty?
If so, please be kind and let me know gently... lol... I am feeling very emotional these days.
So, MIL wants to have a baby shower for me. And that is great. I was not really expecting one, as I just had one in July of 2007 for my now 15 month old.
My husband's family is from Chile and they are a quite a big family. His mom and dad are the most darling people I have ever met, as are the immediate family that I have met also.
So, I was trying to sort out a day for her for the shower. She wanted to have it before the baby, because I will be having a c-section and I will be busy recovering afterward.
My husband is on crazy shifts of 12 hour alternating day/graveyard until Yule.
I do not drive, and MIL and that whole family live about 45 minutes away, in Maple Ridge and Coquitlam. We live in the Fraser Valley.
So to have a date available on a weekend, hubby has to be off work in order to take me there. (plus its easiest as our car seat for Dante is nicely hooked up in our minivan etc., and i hate having to take it out and re-adjust ir for other vehicles. There is only one day that he is off on a weekend between now and Yule. Baby is coming via csection app the 29th or 30th of December....
So I suggested to her that it would be FAR easier to just have the shower here at our home. There is plenty of room, and who knows, although I don't really know anyone out here, there are a few people I know that would perhaps like to come. Also, my house is VERY Dante friendly and it makes it much easier to have him at the shower when it's a Dante proof house, lol...
MIL said that it would not work because no one would be willing to drive 'All the way' out here.....
And that kind of bothered me.
Im the preggo one, Im tired, Im run down... I have a 15 month old... why do I need to be the one to make it out to all of them? If people were really concerned about having a special day for me, for a shower, and NOT just feeling obligated to be there, would they not mind making the 45 minute drive? They are for the most part all related... most of them have minivans and suv type vehicles... maybe carpool? No... it would not be convenient.
Well, It is not convenient for us either to try to find a way to get out there.
Then she said that she could come pick me up and Dante and take me out there... but that just didnt seem like a good idea to me. All of their dinners and get togethers start VERY late and go even later. My last baby shower went until after midnight and I had to pretty much beg to leave... lol... Their intentions are wonderful... but I just would have preferred this time to be home and not out on the highway at night, pregnant and with a 15 month old. Especially as it will be winter.
But no... that isnt what everyone else wants. So I told her to just leave it then. And either we will wait until after the baby is born and I have recovered from my c-section (though i will also be nursing and no one there nursed so its not very breastfeeding supportive).... or we just wont have one at all. If people would like to send diapers or something, that would be fine. Really, all we need is a good stockpile of diapers, and maybe some frozen meals to help while I am recovering...Oh, and if its a girl, then some girl clothes as we dont know yet what we are having but I have MANY boy clothes.
MIL said that we will wait until after the baby is born then.
Although i would STILL prefer to have everyone here...or just not do it at all. Gifts are not important to me. They can be helpful in this time of everything being so tight and us struggling to get by, but its not necessary. We will make it through.
Ugh.. I feel so crabby these days.
So, MIL wants to have a baby shower for me. And that is great. I was not really expecting one, as I just had one in July of 2007 for my now 15 month old.
My husband's family is from Chile and they are a quite a big family. His mom and dad are the most darling people I have ever met, as are the immediate family that I have met also.
So, I was trying to sort out a day for her for the shower. She wanted to have it before the baby, because I will be having a c-section and I will be busy recovering afterward.
My husband is on crazy shifts of 12 hour alternating day/graveyard until Yule.
I do not drive, and MIL and that whole family live about 45 minutes away, in Maple Ridge and Coquitlam. We live in the Fraser Valley.
So to have a date available on a weekend, hubby has to be off work in order to take me there. (plus its easiest as our car seat for Dante is nicely hooked up in our minivan etc., and i hate having to take it out and re-adjust ir for other vehicles. There is only one day that he is off on a weekend between now and Yule. Baby is coming via csection app the 29th or 30th of December....
So I suggested to her that it would be FAR easier to just have the shower here at our home. There is plenty of room, and who knows, although I don't really know anyone out here, there are a few people I know that would perhaps like to come. Also, my house is VERY Dante friendly and it makes it much easier to have him at the shower when it's a Dante proof house, lol...
MIL said that it would not work because no one would be willing to drive 'All the way' out here.....
And that kind of bothered me.
Im the preggo one, Im tired, Im run down... I have a 15 month old... why do I need to be the one to make it out to all of them? If people were really concerned about having a special day for me, for a shower, and NOT just feeling obligated to be there, would they not mind making the 45 minute drive? They are for the most part all related... most of them have minivans and suv type vehicles... maybe carpool? No... it would not be convenient.
Well, It is not convenient for us either to try to find a way to get out there.
Then she said that she could come pick me up and Dante and take me out there... but that just didnt seem like a good idea to me. All of their dinners and get togethers start VERY late and go even later. My last baby shower went until after midnight and I had to pretty much beg to leave... lol... Their intentions are wonderful... but I just would have preferred this time to be home and not out on the highway at night, pregnant and with a 15 month old. Especially as it will be winter.
But no... that isnt what everyone else wants. So I told her to just leave it then. And either we will wait until after the baby is born and I have recovered from my c-section (though i will also be nursing and no one there nursed so its not very breastfeeding supportive).... or we just wont have one at all. If people would like to send diapers or something, that would be fine. Really, all we need is a good stockpile of diapers, and maybe some frozen meals to help while I am recovering...Oh, and if its a girl, then some girl clothes as we dont know yet what we are having but I have MANY boy clothes.
MIL said that we will wait until after the baby is born then.
Although i would STILL prefer to have everyone here...or just not do it at all. Gifts are not important to me. They can be helpful in this time of everything being so tight and us struggling to get by, but its not necessary. We will make it through.
Ugh.. I feel so crabby these days.
No my dear, you are not being petty, but brutally honest in the way you're feeling.
ReplyDeleteI think that, if people want to come and celebrate this wonderful new little person that you will be welcoming into the world on the 29th, that they should be more than willing to come to your place.
They do need to understand that at this stage of pregnancy, you are quite tired. With a 15 month old to run after, feed, bath, change, etc, you are even more tired.
Hopefully they will come to realize that it's about you and the new little one, not how far they need to drive.
I think your quite in the right on this one. 'All the way out there' really isn't that far. From maple ridge and coquitlam, it's a super easy drive as well. If I was 8 months (well come Dec almost 9 months!) I know I certainly would not want to deal with travel, late hours, and a one year old! Good on you for sticking to it. I think if you'd have given in, you'd have been miserable and resenting it the whole time you would be there.
ReplyDeletePlus all of what Pam said ;)
I too agree with the ladies that posted above.
ReplyDeleteI mean it is wonderful and caring that you MIL would throw you another shower, but they do need to understand how hard it would be for you to drive out there, middle of winter, super pg with a little one.
(I'd send you some frozen meals....but well, you know how that would turn out )