Heading Toward Winter

Always has been my favourite time of year.

On dry days, the few leaves left on almost bare branches make an empty almost rattling noise as the rustle against grey skies.

Last weekend was FanExpo. It was nice but tiring. My highlights were getting John Barrowman's autograph on a memorial picture of my daughter, and having a chance to chat with the beautiful, amazing and genuine Alex Kingston. Alex Kingston is also known as River Song to the Doctor Who fans out there and she was such an absolute joy to meet.

I just wanted to thank her for  existing mainly. Felt a need to tell her - this perfect stranger - about my daughter passing. I wanted to tell her what a wonderful inspiration her River Song character was : intelligent, cheeky, sexy, compassionate and selfless. I'm not sure what the usual protocol is as far as being allowed to just walk up to an actor at these things and blab your personal grief at them, but her crew let me go right to her, where she took my hand as I spoke. She told me about her daughter and how they enjoyed watching Merlin together (oh dear or was it Sherlock? I am PRETTY sure it was Merlin! - looking back I was so overcome with the moment that it is a bit jumbled)

John Barrowman was great to sign the memorial card the way he did (autographs are purchased, so it's not like anyone is denied, but I was happy that he was okay with signing her memorial card) , I was happy that he was so accessible. I got a sense that he is better as a showman however, rather than a one on one with strangers kinda guy. He said I could give him a hug but being short, as I sort of put my arm around his shoulder to hug him (or tried because im only 5 feet tall) he kind of pulled back a bit. I felt a bit embarassed - thinking maybe I got too close and personal, but he said to the large group waiting for pictures afterward that people could ask for a kiss, hug him, grab his butt, whatever and its all fine but to not touch his face because he has a bit of a phobia about having his face touched by people (implying fans, im sure hes okay with people he knows being that close to him) - so then it made sense as to why he stiffened as I tried to hug him. Still felt awkward about it but glad it is simply a phobia and not because he hated me or something >.<

His Q & A afterward was hilarious. He is really a funny guy, he can hold the attention of an audience  and keep them laughing with no trouble whatsoever. He seems SO at ease in front of the camera, laughter coming so easily and being horribly contagious.

Alex Kingston seemed less 'showman' like. Her Q & A was much more toned down, her sitting on a stool with a fellow who was running the media interaction. Answering the questions thoughtfully with just enough cheek and sass to see that River Song might be at least PARTIALLY based on her own charm and not just a character role she had to fill.

Yep, Alex Kingston was my highlight. I'm glad I spontaneously decided to approach her when I initially had no intentions to. For some reason I thought she might be standoffish and not approachable. I was so wrong.

Even within the hours of the weekend spent in Vancouver, even while lounging in a lovely hotel room at the Pan Pacific my mind and heart were heavy and combined with heavy drinking done each evening it was not mentally a nice space to be all of the time. But I tried to be joyful. And I DID find lots of 'things' of material nature to enjoy. Doctor Who merchandise and some frameable art of Hannibal & Will from the TV series of Hannibal, as well as a Supernatural picture and a few other things.

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So, that was the big adventure.

Now just back to getting through the days in the comfort of my own space. Needing to reconnect spiritually to something because nothing that made sense before makes sense now.

I try to remember the experiences I had that put me on a spiritual path (or made me recognize that there WAS one I was walking on) - the feeling of immenseness that seemed to tell me one day, as the world stood still for a moment, full of overwhelming energy , that "You are all of this, and you are more than this" .

Trying to figure out how to continue on my journey homeward with this extra large carrying bag of experience I have recently obtained.